经典美文:小教堂的晨祷

张东东

  Once, years ago, I got into a dogfight. I was wheeling a baby carriage, my pet cocker spaniel trotting beside me. Without warning, three dogs — an Afghan, a St. Bernard and a Dalmatian — pounced on the cocker and started tearing him to pieces. I shrieked for help. Two men in a car stopped, looked, and drove on.

  多年前,我曾经历了一场恶狗大战。当时,我正推着婴儿车,短脚长耳的宠物犬一路小跑地跟在身边。毫无预兆的,3只狗——+一只阿富汗猎犬、一只圣比纳救护犬和一只达尔马提亚狗突然向我的狗扑来,拼命地撕咬它。我大叫着请求帮忙,只见两个人停车看了看又开走了。

  When I saw that I was so infuriated that I waded in and stopped the fight myself. My theatrical training never stood me in better stead. My shouts were so authoritative, my gestures so arresting, I commanded the situation like a lion-tamer and the dogs finally slunk away.

  看到这些,我顿时愤怒不已,于是亲自上阵去阻止这场恶战。我的戏剧训练从未有过这样的震撼力。我怒声呵斥,动作惹眼,像驯兽师那样控制住混乱的局面,最终3只狗落荒而逃。

  Looking back, I think I acted less in anger than from a realization that I was on my own, that if anybody was going to help me at that moment, it had to be myself.

  回想起来,我觉得自己的行为与其说是愤怒之举,不如说是一种发自于意识到必须依靠自己的力量。自己帮助自己的举动。

  Life seems to be a series of crises that have to be faced. In summoning strength to face them, though, I once fooled myself into an exaggerated regard of my own importance. I felt very independent. I was only distantly aware of other people. I worked hard and was "successful." In the theater, I was brought up in the tradition of service. The audience pays its money and you are expected to give your best performance — both on and off the stage. So I served on committees, and made speeches, and backed causes. But somehow the meaning of things escaped me.

  生活看起来就像是一连串必须要面对的危机。但在集中精力面对它们时,我曾自欺欺人地夸大了自我的重要性。我觉得自己可以独立面对危机,却又隐约还能感觉到周围有其他人存在。我努力奋斗着,最终获得“成功”。在戏剧圈中,我很小就懂得了为观众服务的规矩。无论台上台下,观众付了钱,就期待你献出最佳的表演。于是,我加入了委员会,发表演讲,支持公益事业。然而,不知何故,做这些事情的意义却荡然无存。

  When my daughter died of polio, everybody stretched out a hand to help me, but at first I couldn't seem to bear the touch of anything, even the love of friends; no support seemed strong enough.

  患小儿麻痹的女儿夭折时,所有人都向我伸出了援手。然而,最初我简直无法接受这一切,甚至难以接受朋友的.关爱;所有的支持似乎都显得苍白无力。

  While Mary was still sick, I used to go early in the morning to a little church near the hospital to pray. There the working people came quietly to worship. I had been careless with my religion. I had rather cut God out of my life, and I didn't have the nerve at the time to ask Him to make my daughter well — I only asked Him to help me understand, to let me come in and reach Him. I prayed there every morning and I kept looking for a revelation, but nothing happened.

  玛丽尚在病中时,我常会早起到医院附近的小教堂祈祷。一些干粗活的人也常会静静地去那里祈祷。之前,我从未在意过自己的宗教信仰,甚至将上帝排除在我的生活之外。因此,我没有勇气请求上帝保佑我的女儿康复,只是祈求他理解我,让我进来靠近他。每天早晨,我都会去那里祈祷,渴望着能得到一个启示,然而什么都没有出现。

  And then, much later, I discovered that it had happened, right there in the church. I could recall, vividly, one by one, the people I had seen there — the solemn laborers with tired looks, the old women with gnarled hands. Life had knocked them around, but for a brief moment they were being refreshed by an ennobling experience. It seemed as they prayed their worn faces lighted up and they became the very vessels of God. Here was my revelation. Suddenly I realized I was one of them. In my need I gained strength from the knowledge that they too had needs, and I felt an interdependence with them. I experienced a flood of compassion for people. I was learning the meaning of "love thy neighbor."

  后来,过了很久,就在那个教堂里,我看到了转机。我依然生动地记得那些在教学里见到的人。他们中有疲惫而严肃的劳工,也有双手粗糙的老妇。他们饱尝生活的艰辛,但就在那短暂的一瞬间,他们的灵魂得到了升华,顿时显得精神百倍。在祈祷的时候,他们成了上帝真正的子民,那饱经风霜的面容也立刻容光焕发起来。这便是我得到的启示。突然,我意识到自己也是他们中的一员。当知道他们也需要慰藉时,寻求中的我从中得到了力量,我觉得自己与他们相依相存。我感到有一种对人们的同情在心中涌动,也顿时明白了“爱你的邻人……”的真正意义。

  Truths as old and simple as this began to light up for me like the faces of the men and women in the little church. When I read the Bible now, as I do frequently, I take the teachings of men like Jesus and David and St. Paul as the helpful advice of trusted friends about how to live. They understand that life is full of complications and often heavy blows and they are showing me the wisest way through it. I must help myself, yes, but I am not such a self-contained unit that I can live aloof, unto myself. This was the meaning that had been missing before: the realization that I was a living part of God's world of people.

  像小教堂中男男女女的面容一样,古朴而简单的真理照亮了我的心灵(让我豁然开朗)。如今,我常常阅读圣经,将耶稣、大卫与圣保罗的教诲当作是可信的朋友对如何生活的有益忠告。他们知道,生活错综复杂,常会给人类带来沉重的打击,他们正在为我指明一条最明智的人生之路。是的,我必须自助,但我并不能够离群索居,只做自给自足的个体。我意识到自己是上帝所创造的人世间一个有生命的部分,这是我之前从未意识到的生存意义。